Finally!!!!! I finally got the results of my cat scan, and they came back negative. Thank you God!!! Every time I think about the email my doctor sent me and the words that were in it I get very emotional. It is such a relief that I do not have any cancer in my chest. Now we just have to watch my neck closely, I am so ready for this whole ordeal to be over with. I'm over being sick. I'm ready to move on with my life after almost a year of dealing with this, it feels like its not stop blood work, tests or going to the doctors.
Now it's time to tell you the story of my wonderful trip up to the hospital.I asked them to schedule me for later in the day. It was the day of my daughter's first field trip ever and they were going to a pumpkin patch. I had the opportunity to take the whole family so I didn't want to miss this. Every time we have family moments I always try to take them, and every single time I always stop to think how lucky I am to be able to do this, how I am still here and get to see my children grow and learn. Don't get me wrong I appreciated it before but now I am so lucky and thankful to God, to my doctors to be able to share this with them.
We all had a blast going and my girls got to do things they have never done before and I was there to share it with them, then before we knew it, it was time to take my kids back home so I could get ready for the drive to the city.
I drove the way up there because my husband was tired having worked the night before and only getting a few hours of sleep. This was my first time driving, I knew traffic would be bad but I never thought I was have to deal with rush out in the middle of the day. Needless to say it was the worst drive of my life, traffic was so congested, at one point in time there was an almost accident right in front of my on the highway. We left at 2:30 and got there just at 4. (my appointment was for 3:45.) My husband slept most of the way while I was trying not to pass out from all of the anxiety I was experiencing from these scary Pittsburgh drivers. When we finally got there I was shaking, but we made it, and if needed to I guess I could do it on my own.
I got signed in and ran over to radiology for my cat scan. I was bummed to find out I wouldn't know my results for a few days, as I didn't want to come back up for something else.
The worst part of it was listening to the noise the machine makes when it spins around. They are traumatizing sounds that  instantly remind me of diagnosis and treatment, and no matter how wonder the staff/hospital is it just not take away from the trauma it gives you to live with for a very long time.
I was in and out in less than an hour, and I always try to do something positive while
I'm up there to combat the negative since the only reason we go up there is for cancer stuff. I got the idea in my head to go to the cheesecake factory, I've never been there before and I looked up the whole menu. Jimmy at first was a go then he decided that it would be better if we just went home, he was very tired and said that if he went to a sit down restaurant he would fall asleep. I was a little upset, I was really looking forward to it, I thought we don't get to spend a lot of alone time together and it might be limited knowing my situation. He asked if I was mad and I said slightly, which then made him wavier in whether or not we would go, he got lost downtown and was just trying to get home, also rear-ended a car, then nearly hit two pedestrians crossing the road, this then made him mad and he took it out me since it was my fault we got lost trying to find the cheesecake factory. I began to cry and he yelled at me for crying over the cheesecake factory. I was not crying over the cheesecake factory, I  was crying over the whole situation. The fact that I was up there for another test, the fact that they think I might have cancer somewhere else, the fact that my life might be shortened, and the fact that I was hungry.
I understand that it is stressful for family members to go through this also as they are scared for their loved one and truly no one know whats going to go on. I understand that from time to time my husband would think about what would happen if he was left to raise the kids, the girls by himself. That is all very scary, but when it comes down to it, they don't have much idea what is going on in your head, the person who is going through this, the person who thinks what if they can't cure me, what will happen to my children. I have said this time and time before cancer, at least for me is more of an emotional roller coaster more than anything and I am ready to get off this ride now!!!!
So as for my cat scan being negative, my doctor was very hopeful in saying that I will probably be fine, we just have to keep an eye on these lesions in my neck, more repeat blood work in a couple of months, followed by another ultrasound and an office visit with the doc. At least I don't to worry about anything until after the holidays and I can breathe for a little while.

So it's the eve before my chest cat scan and I'm getting very emotional. I'm not sure why I was tearing up but it got me thinking how much of an emotional roller coaster this journey is. From the outside I clearly do not look sick, but on the inside my body is fighting this cancer and my mind is racing with everything and all the possible out comes my life might have no matter how long or short it may be. How short it may be... that sentence has as much impact on me as "you have cancer."
Tomorrow I get the day off for my test, but first I get to take my children on their first field trip to the pumpkin patch. I'm so glad to relish these moments with my family and I am so greatful to have an employer give me the time I need after having such an aweful expirence with the hospital, which has left me somewhat dare I say jaded. Hell the whole cancer "thing" has left me jaded. So tonight I sit here and vent and prepare myself mentally, emotionally, physically ready for tomorrow. Even though there are clear highlights to my upcoming day I can't help but overshadow the precious family time with another cancer milestone. Waiting to see if there is anything, anything at all in my chest. This is where I leave it up to faith and God. I pray there is nothing in my chest, I pray that what they found in my neck is not new, I pray for time...... I want to see my children grow up, I want to see my grandchildren.
I have tried so hard this whole time to stay upbeat, but I still feel alone. Which made me think about starting a young adult cancer support group. Trying to help others make it through what I am currently going through and sharing my story. I want to share my story with anyone who will listen. I don't wear my diagnosis on my sleeve, although the obvious scar on my neck is a dead giveaway of some sort of history.
With that being said I once again that you say a prayer for me in hopes my test comes out good and I will update you here shortly!

Caution some explicit content

Finally got my results today and it was definitely not what I wanted to hear. The ultrasound of my neck showed 3 spots or lesions where there is cancer. I'm not sure if these are lymph nodes or not. My doctor called me personally to talk to me, such priority I felt! He said they cannot tell if these spots are dying cancer cells or new cancer cells so there is no point in doing a biopsy since they will not be able to differentiate it. I'm glad I don't have to be subjected to an FNA again.

Second my thyroglobulin has not gone down at all since my pre treatment levels where taken. What the fuck!? Because of that I have to travel back up to Pittsburgh and have a chest cat scan done to make sure there is nothing they are missing like on my lungs. He did not seem to be worried about the uptake in my thymus at all. I also now have to increase my synthroid to a double dose once a week every week. In other words 6 days a week I take one pill which is 150mcg then one day a week I have to take 2 pills making my total 300mcg, and I was hoping to decrease my dose to lose some of these side effects.

Now time to vent, I have already had a cry. What the fuck!!! Who the fuck gets thyroid cancer again? I guess me, and what the hell was the RAI for because as of right now it didn't do a god damn thing! I should have just opted not to take it and not have to worry about the long term effects. 

So the plan is chest ct then in 3 months bloodwork, repeat u/s and meet with the doctor for a game plan.

Wish me luck and say a prayer for me.

I have not posted in a couple of months. I think in a way I have just tried to push everything to the back of my mind and move on with my life, but if that were true I would not be typing as we speak, or read. It is now September, 7 months since diagnosis and surgery and 5 months since treatment. September is also National thyroid cancer awareness month. On top of all that September is also the month where I travel back up to UPMC for testing. 

This time it's only a post surgical/ post treatment ultrasound of my neck. Along with my regular bloodwork I also get my thyroglobulin checked for the first time since days before my RAI. This of course puts my anxiety in overdrive waiting to see how well my treatment worked. Considering I have stage II of an unusually aggressive form of papillary thyroid carcinoma. My doctor told me if we make it through the first year without a reoccurrence I'm in good shape. So now it's just the waiting game. 

I went to get my bloodwork yesterday driving 30 miles round trip just to make it to a specific lab rather than just running downtown to the hospital. This all for really accurate thyroglobulin counts. Ugh....

Five days until I get my ultrasound, and I have I mentioned how much I hate going to Pittsburgh. Even for one thing it turns into an all day event, from the horrible traffic getting into and out of the tunnels to the wait for results, to the rush hour traffic. I despise of it. 

In the meantime I'm just trying to live my life and raise my daughters. Not that the thought of a reoccurrence isn't there, because its always in the back of my mind. 

With cancer almost always on the brain, I've been trying to use my journey to help others. Working in the doctors office does help with that. I get to share my experience with cancer patients and thyroid patients alike. I also have been trying to raise awareness to thyroid cancer. Everyone makes a huge deal about October and breast cancer awareness, I want thyroid cancer to be equally as important, at least in my neck of the woods. I want to be an advocate. 

I have also been doing a lot of research on GMOs in our food supply and have decided to go organic as much as my budget will let me.

I have also been researching a holistic way to healing myself, in the alkaline diet. It's not as much a diet as it is clean eating. If you make your body alkaline diseases cannot survive, including cancer. It's about fresh fruits and vegetables and cutting out GMOs, meat and dairy, lots of lemon water. Once your alkaline your body can fight anything. It's worth a shot, my life is worth a shot. This also raises the question as to how much of our cancers are environmental as opposed to something genetic in nature. No one really knows why in my 20's I developed thyroid cancer. I can speculate. I think this whole experience has not only jaded me slightly but also enlightened me to my surroundings, my choices and our medical professional world. 

In the meantime hopefully good news this week then I can once again breathe.

Another 4 weeks has passed, another blood draw. No surprise my TSH is still low. 0.021 this time, but my endo must not have been too concerned/surprised because I never heard from him after he got the results. Once again in less than two weeks, it's time for another blood draw. 

So the 4th of July just passed and it was my first holiday off! Happy dance. I went to a family picnic and there just so happened to be some random guy there who I guess was friends with one of my uncles. I had no idea who he was, but to make a long story short he came up to me and said "dang girl did your boyfriend get mad at you or something?" Referring to the scar on my neck. I was flabbergasted. This was one of the most uneducated statements I have ever heard. I looked at him and said "no actually I had surgery because I had cancer in Feburary and they had to remove my thyroid." He then apologized and asked if I was okay. 

This was probably the first time anyone other than my children have asked about my scar and it was certainly the rudest and it has certainly stuck with me.....  

Long time no blog...

I haven't posted any updates in a while so let's see what's going on....

First I had my three month post op check up with my surgeon and of course it takes much longer to drive up there. Other than the keloid I have on one end of my scar, over all good report. She said I could massage the keloid out if I put some effort into it and discharged me from her services. Which is good news for me since that is one less trip I have to make up there. 

Second I had my TSH and T4 checked again just a couple of days ago and I am still very hyperthyroid with my TSH dropping to .021. I haven't heard from my endo yet, although I doubt he will adjust my synthroid any. Now I wish I got awesome symptoms of hyperthyroidism like weight loss. Instead I'm still fat with palpitations and I get extremely tired, which my endo says this has nothing to do with my TSH, so I don't know of it could possibly be a side effect of my RAI? Who the hell knows anymore. I've come to the conclusion that either way I'm I'm going to try to combat the fatigue holistically with diet and exercise. Wish me luck.

Time for a change.

So a lot has been going on since the last time I have posted. I got denied my FMLA, which I'm totally over that because I've landed a new job in the doctors office that I had interviewed with way back in March, just a week after my TT. They orginally gave the position to someone else and I thought well its because I have cancer, they see me as too big of a risk to have as an employee. Fast forward a few months later I get a phone call that they are expanding their office and relocating it and asked if I would still be interested in a job, and after everything that has been going on with the hospital of course I am still interested! Thank you, and because of Obamacare I cannot be denied insurance coverage for a pre existing condition. After everything has all been said and done my husbands insurance has been billed two hundred thousand dollars. They weren't lying when they said thyroid cancer was one of the most expensive cancers to have. Holy shit. After all the follow ups and tests for the rest of this year I'm sure we will be pushing the quarter million mark.

Speaking of tests I just had my TSH checked last week and it was 0.026 and I am freaking tired all the time. My doctor does not want to adjust my generic synthroid until the 6 month mark in September when I get my thyroglobulin checked and then if all looks good he will back off my meds. I'm currently on 150mcg a day so maybe I can combat the fatigue with some diet and exercise until then, I need to lose some weight anyways.

On Wednesday I head back up to Pittsburgh to see my surgeon for my 3 month follow up and I must say I think my scar is looking pretty good. It's never really bothered me anyways but it's healing nicely. I think just on the ends I might have to put some vitamin e oil or something on it to lighten it up, but other than that the healing process has been fairly easy and I don't know if it has just been out of sheer politeness, but other than my children I have not had one single person ask me about my scar.

One other thing, I want to post a picture of my thyroid cancer awareness paracord bracelet my friend made for me. I think it's pretty awesome and I hope you do too!

Well I haven't posted on here in a while. Mainly because I've been pretty busy diving right back into work. 

Trying to put everything behind me that had happened the past couple of months. Cancer is constantly on my mind. I can't seem to stop thinking about it, even though I am done with everything besides follow ups now, I always think about it. Everything seems to remind me of it. I don't know if I'm suffering some sort of PTSD. 

Finally after nearly 3 weeks I hear from the hospital about my FMLA and..... they have denied me! What the f*ck is that shit! They told me I still didn't have enough hours in. Are you kidding me? I worked all the hours they told me I needed an then some. It just kills me how this place treats their sick employees. I have cancer and you can't give me a fucking FMLA!? Don't expect me to go out on a limb for you, expect me to look for a new job, which is exactly what in doing. Take that job and shove it!

Rant over. 

Another day, another scan...

So here we are again. I got out of isolation yesterday. YAY! I was so glad to be among the social again, one of the first things I did was go to Walmart. I surprised my children by picking them up from daycare, and they were very surprised. My youngest nearly torn down a baby gate to get to me.
Moving on to today, which is the real reason for this post. I had my post treatment body scan today. My husband said "why are you getting another scan if you just had one?", and at first I didn't understand either but then they explained that with the higher dose of RAI in my body the scan would be more sensitive and if there was anything in my body it was likely to be picked up on this scan. This time I once again emptied my bladder, but unlike last time, this time they made me drink a glass of water then I got on the table. This nuclear med machine looked slightly different which made me curious as to whether this test would be any different from the last, so naturally I asked questions. The tech told me this particular test would take about 20 minutes and my doctor should have the results by the end of the day and it would be up to his discretion as to when he would contact me with those results..... Well it didn't happen like that at all. This test took 35 to 40 minutes. I hate these scans. You have to lay completely still, and even though you are all strapped down your body still has the urge to move. I swear my arms and legs went numb and I felt just a head and a torso on the table. Finally when my scan was done we were escorted to a patient consult room and waited for almost fifteen minutes before anyone came in to talk to us, and that was after my husband over heard the techs talking about me doing another scan. All of this sent me into an anxiety attack, to be frank the thought of it sends me into an anxiety attack right now. I knew right then and there they found something new.
So finally someone came in and vaguely explained that they spotted something on the scan but they are not sure what it is soft tissue, a lymph node maybe, but they would like me to do another scan and before they left I asked them where was this new finding and they said the chest. I immediately burst into tears after the tech left. This is not what I wanted to hear today, I just wanted to get a scan and be on my merry way. The last thing I wanted to hear was about my cancer metastasizing. Shortly thereafter the radiologist comes in after scrolling threw the images and said there was some uptake in the mediastinal area and they were not sure if it was my thymus or a lymph node or what, but the good news is, no cancer in my bones or lungs! There's gotta be a silver lining somewhere right? The radiologist suggest with the permission from my endocrinologist I have what is a spect cat scan done. It is a nuclear med cat scan that will pick up the RAI and will pin point the exact location of this uptake. I already have the RAI in my system so lets do it. I just have to wait fourty-five minutes for the machine to be free and to hopefully get an order from my doctor for the test. Make a long story short we get the order like fifteen minutes before the machine is free, ironically it's the same machine I had my earlier test on. No wonder it looked different! It is also a cat scan. So this test the nuclear med camera slowly circled around me stopping every couple of inches to take pictures, focusing on my chest. This took all of thirty minutes. Then I was put directly into the cat scan which took another fifteen minutes. Then we sit in the hallway and wait for the results of the test. For some reason it took a long time to load the images of the ct scan but once those were loaded the radiologist came out and talked to us almost immediately. The spread of cancer was located in my thymus, which he said was not uncommon in younger patients, and good news it wasn't a lymph node so no surgery. Since I already had the RAI, I am already being treated for it so now it's just monitoring me to make sure my thyroglobulin goes down and hopefully stays down. Blood work every four weeks for a year. Of course yearly scans. I'm done with Pittsburgh for a month, when I go back up for my 3 month follow up with my surgeon, then it's not back until September for a neck ultrasound, that is unless my doctor would like to follow me more closely for some reason. I've learned to expect the unexpected. So this day has completely drained me. On that note good night!

My second full day of isolation is winding down, only four more to go! Yesterday morning I woke up with a sore neck from the RAI killing the tissues in my neck, then in the evening I began to battle diarrhea which has lasted throughout today and is also related to the RAI treatment. The highlight of my day yesterday of course was being able to return to a regular diet for my evening meal. It consisted of takeout, I just made sure to order enough to get me through most of today.
Today I've been battling stomach issues all day. Also I have been very fatigued. I did sleep in and also took a couple hour nap. Other than that I've been very bored sitting down here. I miss my children terribly. I missed my oldest spring concert today. While my husband took the kids to Joey's concert I did manage to get outside and do some gardening for about an hour. It was just nice to be out in the sunshine. Now I'm back in my little isolation bunker for the night. I did just get my lab results from Wednesday and my thyroglobulin has gone up from 2 last month to 5.5 this month so my cancer was growing back and it just reiterates that RAI was the only option for me.
So this is just a little off topic but I wanted to share this anyways, my husband just called me to tell me that on his way home from Joey's concert he rescued a baby duck and then released it over at the pond in our neighborhood country club. Before releasing it, my four year old Audrey named the duck Cancer Ducky in honor of her mom since mommy has cancer. I wish I could be at home to give my daughter a hug and tell her everything will be okay, but I still have four more days....

RIA

Yesterday was my Body scan and RIA treatment. We had to be there bright and early at 8am which means getting up a little after 5 to get myself, my husband, and my kids ready in time. Now I had packed my bags the night before since I would not be returning home as I would immediately go into isolation as soon as I left the hospital. First thing is first drop my kids off at daycare and tell them goodbye for the last time for a week :*( then its the drive to Pittsburgh to hopefully not get stuck it traffic. I really want to get this day over with.
Driving to Pittsburgh traffic wasn't too bad just going into the tunnel once again, but we were at least on time. I checked into the radiology department and was called back almost immediately. Once again I took the mile walk back to the nuclear med department. I was asked to empty my bladder before the scan and then hop up on the table I was able to leave all of my clothes, shoes, and jewelry on, I just had to take my glasses off. I had a pillow under my shoulders to keep my neck in a certain position, which actually wasn't so bad, then there was this foam cup that my knees went into and a strap that went around my feet, and to top it all off, a body wrap to make sure I stayed nice and still. So the tech told me this scan would take approximately 45 minutes. The first 10 to 15 minutes focused solely on the area where my thyroid used to be the "thyroid bed" as the medical professionals refer to it, then the rest of the scan was on my whole body starting with my head, and it went slowly down towards my feet, and when I say slowly, I mean s-l-o-w-l-y. Now at one point in time when it got to about my pelvis the machine had to stop and adjust and I started to have an anxiety attack on the table because in my mind the reason it was doing this because it was focusing in on a cancerous spot. God I couldn't wait to get off that table, I couldn't breathe, it was awful. As soon as the test was over I was unstrapped and tried to sit up but I was so disoriented it took me a couple of minutes before I could get up. Then when I was ready we were escorted to a patient consult room while the radiologist talked with my endocrinologist about my results then they would decide how big of a dose of RIA to give me. While I was waiting I was to read and sign my consent for treatment for my RIA and sign the understanding of contamination. They have done a very good job of educating me up there so I had no problem signing them.
We waited at least 15 minutes before someone came in, which of course gets me all worked up thinking did they find anything on my scan. The radiologist and a resident came in and he tells me that I had 3 areas of uptake on the scan in the thyroid bed, but no where else. Well thats good news. I expected to hear they would find something in my neck, but I'm glad there is nothing anywhere else. So because I had uptake and because of my age, and because we don't want my cancer coming back my doctors have decided to give me the highest dose of RIA. The radiologist said the doses run from 50-150 and I'm going to get the 150 dose. I'm ready for this. Lets be aggressive, this cancer has been aggressive and we are going to kick its ass! Before I get my treatment I have to go back over to my doctors office to get bloodwork. They want to do another pregnancy test, even though I just had one 2 days before and a thyroglobulin and who knows what else. I'm still waiting to see the results of those labs. All I know is I'm not pregnant. So now it's a super long walk from one hospital to another, Presbyterian to Falk then back to Presbyterian. Now my RIA is coming from an outside pharmacy so we have some time to kill, so now what?
We went outside and walked around I watched my husband eat normal food since I'm still on the low iodine diet. I could really go for some Popeyes Chicken! So after watching him feast we walked back to the Presbyterian hospital, now for anyone who has never been there let me paint the picture for you. The entrance is tucked away in a little side street, even though its the main hospital in this network of hospitals. You walk in a revolving door and will go up and escalator. Once you get to the top it's like you've enter a plush hotel, not a hospital. There's a full service bank, a Starbucks, the biggest gift shop I've ever seen. So we sat in the "lounge " in these cozy chairs waiting on my next appointment time for my treatment. Down below are pictures of the Starbucks, and lounge I took.
Then at 11:30 I check back into radiology, was whisked back down the long hall to nuclear med to another patient consult room to meet with a woman from radiation safety to make sure we had our plan down before going home and she went over cross contamination and all that good stuff. Then it was time. I was called back into the lab where my pill was, asked to sign another form, and then they made me put on latex gloves. Now no one in the lab was dressed up like astronauts or anything. The woman who was handling the pill put on latex gloves also. It was it a glass vile in a lead container over in a window box, something that made me think of where Homer Simpson works. I took the pill, took my gloves off at the wrist and handed them to the tech and that was it. I was on my way home, no stops immediately home though. I had to ride in the passenger side of the back seat which I took zofran before my treatment so I was ok with the carsickness. My husband dropped me off down at my father-in-laws and that's where I have been ever since. Trying to think of it as a little retreat. Counting down the hours until I can have a regular diet again! Ahh food and boredom. You'll hear from me soon.

Prepping for the body scan..

Two days down, one to go. Yesterday we got stuck in traffic on the way to the hospital, which made us almost a half an hour late, but my day consisted of stat labs. Mostly waiting on a pregnancy test, which came back negative before I could get my first thyrogen injection. Even though these labs were stat, the turn around time for the pregnancy test was almost an hour and a half. So we waited in the doctors office and I got caught up on the latest news over the marathon bomber. Finally after getting my injection I was free to go. Now I had to get this shot in the butt, and it hurt! I feel like I did some major gluteal workouts!
Today I didn't have to be there until 11 but there was still congestion coming into the tunnels. At least this time we left 2 hours early. I got my shot then I had to wait 2 hours and head over to the nuclear med department. They called me back and I walked what seemed like a mile, into the Pittsburgh children's wing. The radiology tech walked my husband and I into a consultation room and vaguely went over what was going to happen the next day. Today I was only going to take a tracer dose of RIA, go home let it circulate through my body and come back the next day for the scan. Now since this was only a tracer dose I was not a danger to anyone so I could still mingle among the public. The tech brought this little blue pill in a clear tube with a biohazard sticker on it and a glass of water for me to wash it down it with and the words "bombs away" pun intended I'm sure. The pill was stuck in this container, so I gave it a gentle tap and the pill came out and fell on the floor! Son of a bitch! The tech picked the pill up off the floor and handed back to me to take. I'm thinking in my head, shit I really don't want to take this damn thing after it just fell on the floor, but I bet they had to order it from an outside pharmacy. I looked at the tech and said to her "I sure hope housekeeping does a good job!" And I took it, and they sent me home. Now they told me that my therapeutic dose might make me sick, but they didn't say anything about the tracer dose, and it made me very sick to my stomach. I had to rush home to get my prescription of zofran and take a nap so I'm a little anxious about the therapeutic dose. Here's to hoping for good results on the scan!

My last day

Today is my last day of work. Hopefully I have all of my hours in for my FMLA and HR does not find some sneaky way to screw me out of it. I am also 5 days into this low iodine diet, and frankly I am not fairing well on it. I am sure there are people out there who do wonderful on it, I however am not one. I guess under the right, less stressful circumstances I could be. I started out making 3 quarts of homemade low iodine spaghetti sauce which I use on my gluten free spaghetti or cook with a piece of chicken and I did make a very tasty salad dressing consisting of balsamic vinegar, honey, and fresh squeezed orange juice. Simple yet it worked. Other than that I have survived on unsalted nuts, some fruit, and a veggie here and there. Sadly I've been averaging only about 700 to 800 calories a day. Between working all the time and the stress I just haven't ate. I know this isn't good for a body in healing, but hopefully I will rest this coming week when I'm in isolation since I have nothing else to do.
So I have to be up in Pittsburgh tomorrow morning, first for labs, a pregnancy test then my first thyrogen injection. Tuesday it's back up to Pittsburgh for another thyrogen injection then my full body scan. Sigh, I only hope I can ingest my contrast for it and not have to be injected. Then back up to Pittsburgh on Wednesday for more lab work and my treatment. Thursday I can resume a normal diet. I am exhausted just thinking about all of that! I hope my body scan doesn't show anything since my initial cancer was so advanced and I can't wait to just rest. I will miss my children during this time, I will try to post each day up in Pittsburgh, usually they are all day events. Hopefully the weather will be nice enough for me to enjoy the outside while I'm up there. Wish me luck!

T minus 3 days until I start my low iodine diet. So since I have a day off (which is a rarity anymore) I'm going to venture out to the grocery store, 3 kids in tow. Joy oh joy.
I think I have focused more on what my last meal is going to be pre diet, more that what I am going to be eating on this diet. Something salty, maybe loaded in cheese as I think I will miss that the most. Oh glorious gooey cheese.
Finally last night I did look up the low iodine cookbook on thyca's website. It is seriously 123 pages long! I just don't know if I am feeling frisky enough to actually make these recipes. It's not that I don't like to cook but with working my a** off trying to get this FMLA that I'm not fully confident I will get I just don't have the time to cook these fully involved recipes. Secondly I have to factor in my gluten intolerance which then limits my diet even further :/ and I feel like I have to cook a separate meal for my family.
Despite all of this, I did manage to make a small pitiful shopping list, mostly of snack foods. I mean I don't want to eat mashed potatoes made with water. Blah!
I figure I have two options, I can either starve or, I can eat as much food as I can for these next couple of days and then hibernate kind of like a bear and just live off of my fat, I mean I have enough, waking only to go to work and to travel to doctors appointments. I imagine I will be very happy on the scale at the end of this diet. Wish me me luck in my shopping adventures!

I actually have a day off which means I'm trying to catch up on cleaning, for some reason my family seems to think this task needs to fall solely upon me. Since my surgery I no longer have sleep apnea so I have the energy to do so I don't mind, too much. I am a little tired from working all the time trying to get all of my hours in for FMLA and being on the go constantly, so that's starting to ware me down.
It's eleven days and counting until I start my low iodine diet, and from what I understand I pretty much can't have anything. No dairy, chocolate, soy, seafood, or anything made with seafood. I can have fruit and veggies excluding beans and potato skins up to five ounces of lean meats a day and in my case gluten free grains, and unsalted nuts. I have to do this for nine days. This should be a nice little weight loss diet lol. I'm already planning my last meal. Being from a small town I have already tried to find substitutions for things such as milk and butter to make those nine days just a little more tolerable, but everything either has salt, which I don't know if its iodized or not or it has some seaweed extract. So I guess I'm just going to have to tough it out :/
I was scrolling through the thyroid cancer support group on fb this morning and stopped to read about Roger Ebert, I knew he has passed away but did not realize it was from thyroid cancer. He was diagnosed and had a tumor removed back in 2002 it had came back and spread to his salivary glands I do believe. Although the article did not state what type he had. Even though thyroid cancer has a wonderful prognosis it does take lives, and his journey is not my journey and it might not be your journey, but I think people tend to forget sometimes. When I was first diagnosed it was by an ENT doctor he said that with treatment I could be "cured" and I'm finding out its more like a chronic condition than anything and so many say to me "oh you have the good kind of cancer" we'll that's a very uneducated statement I know it's meant well. I'm being told by my doctor that I might have cancer in my lungs or bones, really the good kind? So I just sit and wait for my body scan on the 23rd of this month. Now I work the next four days... But I'm still alive!

FMLwhat??

So I feel like at least temporarily this blog is becoming more about me fighting to get an FMLA and less about my cancer. Once again HR is jerking me around. They are now telling that I am still 127 hours short of my FMLA. Back in January I was told I only need like 121 hours, and I had worked all of those and then some. Unfortunately this was only verbally that I was told. This time I have emails that I am printing out and saving. Unfortunately if I work every day that I am scheduled up until I have to leave for treatment I'm still going to be 24 hours short. I've resorted to asking my fellow coworkers if they would be willing to let me work some of their days so I can have all of my hours in. They are more than gracious to help me out :) Trying to fit these in between doctors appointments and such is a bit challenging but I'm just putting the iron woman game face on, trying to work 6 days this week alone. I really think HR is trying to kill me, and to think they don't even pay for my health insurance! And I'm really not asking to get paid while I'm gone, I just want to know I can seek much needed medical treatment and not have to worry about job security. It seems like such an oxymoron considering my employer. If you don't hear from me for a while its because I'm working my ass off...

Good news finally!

Got awesome news yesterday from my endo. He emailed me through my health track (It's something UPMC has that you can not only communicate with your doctors, but also see all of your lab and tests results, request medication refills, do all of your appointments. It pretty neat actually) he told me that my TSH is where they want it and my thyroglobulin is pretty low it's 2.0 actually so he said there shouldn't be any surprises when I go to do my thyroid studies in April. Which is awesome news, hopefully no spread to my lungs, or bones, or anywhere else! Expect the worst but hope for the best, that's what I told him. I finally feel like I can breathe, and to have this news given to me on Easter weekend just has so much more significance.


An update on my FMLA, this is how much of assholes the hospital I work for is being to me.
I went down to my HR the day before my doctors appointment to pick up FMLA papers so my doctor could fill my paper work out. Now I knew on Wednesday I was still 10 hours short of having all of my hours in, but it being Sunday night I have worked all those hours and then some. And also mind you I still have my FMLA papers in my possession, I have not turned them in. Well before leaving for work yesterday I checked my mail and in there was something from my place of work. I open it and what is it, nothing else but a denial letter denying me my FMLA that I never even filed dated for the day I went down to pick up the paperwork! How can you deny someone something they haven't even filed for? And it was for nothing more than not having enough hours in. Really? Ok I'll come to work radioactive. Just sit me in the decon room all day. But that's right you don't even know what I need an FMLA for let alone when I need it for since you never laid eyes on my paperwork HR! I would be very ashamed to work in that department, and at times am ashamed to work for that facility. It's a very sad loss for humanity, but I'm going to keep on fighting the good fight because that's what I've got to do! Because I know this world is not a total loss. Caner has given me a new lease on life and I do see beautiful things in this world where I once did not see them, and I also see ugly things in this world too, you just have to realize that even though you can't fix all of the ugly you can fix some of it. So I'm starting with my HR department. Wish me luck, because no one who is sick should have to worry about this.

I am emotionally exhausted. I spent another day up at UPMC, although this time we had a much easier time finding the correct building, we even got valet parking. I might even attempt this trek going by myself one of these days!
This was my first encounter with my endocrinologist Dr Hodak. I like him, actually I don't think I haven't met anyone from UPMC that I don't like yet. I can't say enough wonderful things about them, even if they are expensive as hell. I guess it's true though its what your money can buy, but it's not my money it's my insurance thank God. I'm finding out this cancer thing is getting to be very expensive.
Back to Dr Hodak, he was very straight forward and told me that despite the very large size of my tumor that my cancer is currently only a stage I. Now that being said he also stated that my cancer even though its not a variant form of papillary cancer it does seem to be very aggressive and it was breaking out of the lymph nodes into the surrounding tissues and that he would not be surprised if it was found it my bones or lungs. I really don't want to be one of those rare cases of distant spread, but that is my luck. He also said that I had a higher chance of my cancer coming back, about a 15-20% ya know what fuck you cancer. I'm so angry at you. I did not cry when he told me all of this, I only started crying when he asked me if I had any children and how old they are. The thought of my children being robbed of their mom just hurts into the depths of my being. Every time I receive bad news and I just want to lay down and give up then I quickly remember what I am fighting for.
The game plan is for me to receive my RIA treatment on April 24th. I have to travel to Pittsburgh and back (an hour each way) for my thyrogen injections which I will receive on the 22nd, and the 23rd. Go up again on the 24th (with the price of gas im going to be so broke :( )for my tracer dose and my whole body scan, wait for the results up there then get my therapeutic dose. Then I go into isolation for one week. I was told to stock up on lemons, water, Gatorade, and anything I was craving that I cannot have while I'm on the low iodine diet, which I'm finding out is a lot. I can have lean meat ( no seafood), veggies( no beans, or potato skins, and fruits, and that's about it. All dairy is out. Oh I can have some grains as long as they don't contain anything iodized. Bleh then I go back up on they day I get out of isolation on April the 30th to have another whole body scan. My theme song will defiantly be radioactive that week.
The only silver lining I can find is that I will most defiantly have enough hours in for this friggin FMLA. Until then I get to work my Easter away at the hospital, which I still have not got my kids anything yet. I just got my first paycheck yesterday and I've seriously worked every damn day. My only day off was yesterday which the whole day was spent in Pittsburgh, so guess what I will be doing at midnight tonight.
I'd like to share with you this awesome booklet they gave me when I went up there yesterday. It still doesn't make me feel any less alone but my nurse was so awesome, I think she will be my best support system yet and seeing as I don't really have anyone I need that. I mean jimmy is here, but he doesn't understand he only gets it from the point of a family member and not a patient standpoint. I have good days and bad days, and I'm allowed to have bad days, this just makes my head spin sometimes and he just doesn't get that. He also doesn't get how some days I feel so tired or I don't want to do anything, and I hate that I have to constantly defend myself so Susan my nurse was a godsend at this time!

Nothing to be ashamed about

I have toyed with the idea about posting this for several days, but have decided to, thinking I can't be the only one this has happened to.
Seven months ago I put in my application in at some doctors offices trying to get out of the hospital. The hours are always conflicting with the ever changing/ never available daycare(for some reason they think people don't work weekends holidays, days before and after holidays, but that's a whole another story) and I never have any family to watch them. So I was looking more towards the doctors office hours. Well needless to say, it's been over seven months I never expected to hear anything. One week after my surgery I get a phone call for a job interview, what the heck? I'm feeling great and this is right up my alley.
I go in and I tell them up front I have thyroid cancer and I am nine days post op and I will need an RIA treatment, but i don't have an exact date set in stone for it yet. Well the office manager said her niece had thyroid cancer an had RIA treatment, great so she is familiar with this type of treatment and any side effects. By the way I did great on this interview, I have a degree in this, I am certified in CPR, I deal with doctors every day. No problem. They call me back a week later for a second interview, this time with the doctors and the director. It's down to me and one other woman who is seriously in her sixties(Not discriminating the whole office staff, including the doctors are young I mean twenties and thirties) I got this. I see these doctors at the hospital from time to time, and again I am up front about the cancer. I realize I do not need to disclose my medical information, but I'm taking a leap of faith by telling them, rather than they hire me and I am all of a sudden asking for a week off for RIA treatment and days off for doctors visits. I told them insurance is not an issue, I already have insurance an I know your insurance would deny me for my pre-existing condition.
Now I can hear the other woman's interview and she is giving her past work history and she said she stocked for an auto parts store. No medical background. More points for me! Nothing like being overly confident. I'm just excited to potentially get weekends and holidays off!
A few days later I get a letter in the mail from the doctors office saying while they were impressed with my qualifications and work experience they had decided to go with someone else, but would keep my resume on file in hopes of finding a position for me. Carefully tip toeing around the good luck in the cancer situation! Because that probably would be setting them up for a lawsuit.
Now I would be totally fine if I didn't get the job because it went to a more qualified person, but I am not fine thinking I didn't get the job because I have cancer. I feel discriminated against and like they are stamping me dead. It also makes me feel shamed to have this. I didn't choose to get cancer and I wanted to at least give the interview a shot and I sure as hell didn't look sick. I'm not ashamed of my scar and please don't make me feel ashamed of being diagnosed with cancer, especially by a doctor. As for now I will still be at the hospital fighting to get my FMLA.

Ok I have to vent somewhere, and since I can't do it on my Facebook, my blog seemed like the next best place to go. My cancer and my daycare are just not meshing well. I have been off of work from February 18th to March 15th, which means my children have not been to daycare. My oldest daughter has even missed some school when I went in for my surgery. I pick up my children today and find a statement in their cubby, that's fine, I'll pay it. I have yet to get a paycheck, not until the 28th. Now my problem is the fact I got charged a late fee for not paying my February bill on time. Are you kidding me!? My daycare provider knows I have cancer, and if she says otherwise she's a flat out liar. She Facebook friended me seriously the day after I signed my kids up I'm sure to make sure no one talks bad about her establishment. Secondly she had the nerve to message me over Facebook while I was off to ask me if I would like to buy stuff from her thirty-one party, but she has never once asked me how I'm doing. Why yes I've been off of work because I have cancer and have no money, but I would love to purchase something from your thirty-one party just so you can get your free hostess gift! Maybe greed really does make the world go round. But then again I tolerate this because I still have not switched daycares so.... Rant over!

This little bamboo plant makes me think of my thyroid before my surgery. The left side is being taken over by disease slowly climbing its way up, engulfing it, while the right side still thrives. Now the dilemma is do we sacrifice the whole plant, or just the diseased left side? Oh little bamboo plant such a metaphor you hold.
I finally got my pathology reports last night and my cancer was not encapsulated like papillary cancers normally are. They found it in my isthmus and in the outer region of my right lobe so it was best to remove the whole thyroid.
Now you little bamboo plant, you I will at least give the benefit of a doubt and only remove the left side and hopefully we can save at least part of you. Thrive on little plant, thrive on!

I finished my first four days back to work. Another thing I have survived, and needless to say my coworkers are outraged over the lack of empathy from the HR department over the denial of FMLA for not having enough hours in this year. Sorry cancer, come back later, or actually never. The thought of delaying treatment to put in enough working hours is absolutely asinine.
I also ran into the doctor who suggested I get an ultrasound for a goiter way back when in the first place. She asked if I had my surgery yet, not noticing my scar, I told her yes I had it almost 3 weeks ago. She asked how it went and what they found. I told her about how big the original tumor was and how they found cancer in 7 out of the 12 lymph nodes they took out, and the cringing look on her face might as well have been a spear through my chest. Being in the medical field we both know what that means. I just wanted to break down and cry right there. Then it led to the conversation of my treatment, and she said well hang in there. I know those words mean no offense, but I'm getting to an angry bitter stage of my diagnosis. Yea it's easy to say "hang in there" but when death is literally staring you in the face its not that easy. I have been lashing out at everyone today. It just not a good day in general, and I still haven't even got to the radiation part yet :/ I'm just scared, I'm scared that my prognosis is not as good as what I was previously told, I'm scared that because it was found in so many lymph nodes that its lurking somewhere else in my body. Fear of the unknown. I guess it's best that I've been busy as to not give myself time to think about all of this. Which reminds me I have 22 cupcakes to frost for Audrey to take to school tomorrow. At least I can sleep in...

I'm back to work! Yay? Lol I've worked 3 days with one more day before I get a day off, oh and I had a birthday party right after work for my soon to be four year old. Now I know it doesn't seem like a lot, but I'm just so tired. I knew jumping into four days in a row plus planning a birthday party was going to kill me but in the words of Joe Dirt "you just have to keep on keepin' on' and that's exactly what I'm doing. That and I'm busting my hump to work these 74 hours I need for FMLA before I go to see my endo on the 28th of this month to start talking about my radiation treatments, which will be in liquid form, not the traditional pill like every other thyroid cancer patient has taken. I still do not know why.
I have spent my last two working days in the ER and today I found out that one of my fellow employees lost her battle with cancer this morning :( rip Ethel. Hearing about her passing also makes me reflect on how lucky I am with my diagnosis. Yesterday we had a woman come in who had laryngeal cancer and had just come out of the same hospital as the one where I had my surgery. Needless to say she was suffering some complications and her road looked very long and hard and my heart just broke for her. I truly wish her the best. It's a weird thing when you have cancer, it's like you become part of this club and when you run into someone else who is in the same club as you the subject no longer becomes taboo to talk about. We all want the same thing, to win the battle, to beat it, to live. They understand our struggle, and our very real fear that we have from the very day the doctor tells you, "it looks like you have cancer."
Back to this birthday party I survived.My little Audrey is turning four! Where does the time go? But I am here to see it and I am so lucky for that. Thank you! And I plan to be around for many more, for both of my girls. Today we are coming down from our sugar highs from the cake but it's still a good picture. They remind me why despite all I am still blessed.

Picture this...

Just a couple of pics to get you through the day. The last one is a paracord bracelet for thyroid cancer awareness someone made for me. How kick ass is that!?

And we're 2 weeks in

So I am two weeks post op as of yesterday, which also means its time for me to return to work as my surgeon only covers up to 13 days off after surgery. I must admit I am ready to go back to work, even though I am not on the schedule until Friday. I still tire very easy so working four days in a row is probably going to drain me.
Ironically my supervisor called me yesterday to see how I was doing and when they would "expect" me back and also if I needed anymore time off. I don't really know if she is being genuine in her concern or just going through the motions. Probably the later of the two. I have no choice, I have to come back. I was 74 hours short of getting an FMLA. Another irony even though I work in hospital where there are sick people all the time, it is not acceptable if one of their own get sick. I mean c'mon, you can't make an exception. Like my cancer was supposed to wait another 74 working hours so I could qualify for FMLA? So what are they supposed to do when I need time off for radiation treatments? I told my supervisor I would need radiation, and she was like well you could just take an intermittent leave and I was oh ok, we'll that was only if I had FMLA so big fail there. So what do I do. Work 74 hours before radiation? Oh well I guess we will cross that bridge when we get to it, but bigger things await me, bigger than that hospital! Although I can't be mad. If it wasn't for the hospital I would have never known I had cancer in the first place. I just wish for a life that has the chance to flourish they wouldn't be so hard to work with. After all this is life and death we are talking about. Only God has the right to play God, not human resources.

God n' stuff

So my husband and I were talking the other night and he asked what I was going to do the next day. And I said "oh I don't know probably take the kids to church, then maybe attempt the park." And he replied "I thought you were like atheist when I first met you."
Now that statement is not exactly true. I mean I did not like to go to church, but my thought was you did not have to go to the house of God to worship God, but things like cancer come up and then there's the supportive church family who are there for you more than your own family (at least in my experience) when you go to God's house. Now I am by no means a bible thumper but I have put my faith in my doctors and God at this point and am starting to believe everything happens for a reason. So when I was at church yesterday we read a prayer that spoke to me so loudly I could barely finish it without crying... If you don't mind I would like to share it now. Just so I can go back to this post from time to time and remind myself this is in God's hands.
God of light, you do not see as others see; you look beyond our limitations and find us strong and beautiful for your purpose. Help us now to see Jesus your son who, though he was despised and rejected, became our beautiful Savior. Show us Jesus' face in the face of those who suffer, and lead us to give your healing touch to all. Amen

I think someone needs a nap

This is exactly how I felt all day yesterday.... Just gotta keep chuggin' along brothers and sisters!

Bloggin' fool

Another morning I woke up, another day down. I have a couple of things I would like to talk about tonight, a couple of things to get off of my chest.
I'm feeling pretty good now and I'm getting bored at home. I think I'm ready to go back to work. I was sitting on the couch "massaging" my incision like my surgeon instructed me to do and flicking through the channels looking for something that was half way worth my time to watch. I settled on a show that I started watching the other night, but for one reason or another the channel got changed. Anyways the show is called "The World of Jenks" on MTV. The guy Jenks is following the lives of 3 people's but the one person this woman who is I would say 25 maybe? Is what struck me. She is an aspiring fashion designer in San Francisco she was diagnosed with swings sarcoma which is an aggressive none cancer and had to endure 8 months of intense chemotherapy, she blogged and documented everything. Six months later she was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. Seeing her pictures of her post op with the incision and the scar and hearing thyroid cancer I just broke down. Visually seeing someone else going through what you are going through just grabs the moats rawest emotions you have. I'm sure her thyroid cancer came from the intense radiation from the previous cancer. They did not say what type of thyroid cancer she had though, at the end of the episode she went for a 6 month check up which she does every 6 months, a pet scan every 6 months to make sure she is cancer free and.... They think they found a little spot of thyroid cancer on her lung. But it's so small they can't biopsy it they are just going to sit and wait on it. So of course I cried some more. Shit! What if that is my journey? What if this cough is cancer? I have thought about that woman all day, considering that show was taped already I wonder how she is doing today, this day, this very moment. I hope she beats thyroid cancer. That is a show I will be following.
Secondly my sweet innocent little daughters. I love them so dearly. My little 2 year old today playing with her older sister said she had to go to the hospital because she had a boo-boo right "here" and pointed to her neck. Right where mommy's boo-boo is. Their sweet little faces are what keep me going and what put the fight in me every day. They will never know that they are my Heroes. Now excuse me while I massage my incision for the evening.

I'm bringing sexy back

Well Frankenneck decided to venture out today.
Today was my husband's first day back to work so it was my first day on my own. First thing on the agenda is get the kids off to school. Joey is almost 13 so the biggest part with him is making sure he is up on time. Now Audrey being on the verge of 4, in just a couple of weeks, which reminds me... I have a birthday party I really need to start planning. Geeze . Anyways Audrey takes after her dad and does not want to get up for anything( why I put her in the am preschool class, I won't make that mistake next year.) get her and her younger sister up and dressed and out the door to be at school at 9. We did it minus a book bag, which is still missing somewhere in this house.
Audrey goes to school from 9 to 11. So I think I'll head to Walmart, we have no food in the house and I seriously haven't cooked a damn thing in the past week. I can do a grocery shop in under 2 hours no problem and I got an awesome parking spot, so here I go with a 2 year old to stock my shelves. I hate Walmart. I get the I wants, I needs and then I'm still adjusting to going out into the public with all the stares. I'm not ashamed of my scar, and it doesn't make me feel bad if someone looks at me over it, and I would even tell my story if someone asked me how I got it. I totally get it looks like my head about fell off. Lol it is what it is and I'm not going to hide my scar. I by no means consider myself "disfigured".
I spoke to someone today who is going down the same journey I am. Although she does not definitively know if she has cancer yet but she had a complete thyroidectomy 2 days ago, a week after mine due to the high likelihood of it being cancer, and she told me that I was an inspiration to her and that made me realize this is my calling. Cancer is my calling. I didn't ask for this, but God gave me this path and I'm going to do something positive with it! I'm not exactly sure what yet, but it will be great I promise. I've been given another chance at life. I have a disease that kills so many but in my case, I can be cured. I DO NOT take that for granted.
Even though it was cold out today the sun did shine, and it was beautiful and it felt wonderful. Every time I get to feel the sunshine on my skin I feel blessed. Goodnight

Bummer... That's all I can say

Another day at UPMC down, this one was a half fail though. My grandmother volunteered to watch my children bless her heart. She is in her early 70s but is in better shape than a lot of people in their 50s.
We had a snow storm come through last night so there was a two hour delay for the oldest of the 3, after we dropped my youngest 2 off at my grams it was time to once again make the trek to Pittsburgh, a trek I am starting to get familiar with, in case I ever I have to drive my self. We were running late so we're hailing ass in my mini van trying to make up some time. I've got two appointments today and I don't want to be late!
We pull into Pittsburgh at 10:15, my appointment is for 10:30 in the Faulk building, the Faulk building I keep telling my husband. The first place I ever saw this surgeon. Well what does he do? Takes me to the Montefiore building where I had my surgery. Faulk I said fall damnit! Now UPMC has like I don't even know how many buildings that are all intertwined or linked by bridges so we had to go through Montefiore, then Presbyterian to finally get to Faulk. I was only about 15 minutes late no big deal.
I get to Faulk floor 6, suite b to meet my surgeons. Everything is going great, no numbness or tingling in my lips or fingertips so my parathyroids must be okay! Yahoo! Which means I can stop taking the tums, they didn't seem too concerned about the tingling I get in my face from time to time so I guess neither am I.
Now is the time for these steri-strips to finally come off. Hopefully my neck won't feel as tight. Now those bitches hurt!!! Geeze, and he was not that gentle lol but my incision looks really good, big but good. Now time for pathology... My left lobe had a 7.2cm cancerous mass and 7 out of the 12 lymph nodes they removed contained cancer. Talk about a punch in the gut. This means I have stage II thyroid cancer, this also means that there is a chance there is still cancer in my body and I have to do radiation. My regular endo dr Hodak will be overseeing my radiation and I was also supposed to see him today and get another ultrasound on my neck, probably to look for more suspicious lymph nodes, but they cancelled because their computers were down so I'm still waiting for a phone call back for a new appointment.
I'm trying not to be bummed about the results of today's visit, but it's hard. The doctor said even though my cancer was large my prognosis is still very good because of my age. I just have to keep reminding myself that. It just might be a longer road to get there, including another surgery.
I realized today that this is my path to travel and no it's not going to be easy but this is my path and it will be the path of a survivor, who will bring awareness and show cancer does not discriminate. My name is Ali and I have thyroid cancer but I will not let it beat me, I'm upset today and it was not the news I wanted to hear but somehow I will turn it into a positive. Tonight I'm going to cuddle my babies and so should everyone else. Goodnight

I kicked today's ass!

Here we are almost one whole week post op and I'm finally starting to feel, dare I say, normal! Aside from the tingling I have in my face sometimes that I'm still not sure if its due to low calcium or maybe some nerve damage and just getting down right tired very easy, I feel pretty good. I'm excited to get back to a normal life. I'm starting to get bored at home.

Wednesday I go for my follow up with my surgeon and they will finally take these steri-strips off, which I'm glad. I will finally get a good look at this scar and without all those steri-strips on my neck maybe it won't make it so obvious where everyone stares at me all the time. I will also be meeting with my endocrinologist and he will be doing a repeat ultrasound on my neck. Now I'm not exactly sure why, my pre op ultrasound was so compromised by the size of my left lobe it made the study almost impossible, they actually had to do a cat scan instead to clear me for surgery. I didn't realize my tumor was this large, I never had any symptoms.

On a side note my celiac symptoms have not gone away. A few people mentioned oh maybe you won't have celiac disease anymore once your thyroid is removed, suggesting the cancer had something to do with it since there is studies out there that say celiacs and thyroid disorders go hand in hand. Well so far gluten still bugs me so in the words of Maury that was a lie.

I have a busy day planned for tomorrow, preschool for Audrey, house cleaning, grocery shopping, ya know normal things. Getting my groove back :) goodnight!

Is this menopause?

Post op day, what is this? 4 yes... Day 4. I'm slowly starting to feel better. Nowhere near normal and sure as hell nowhere near how I felt before surgery ( now that's both good and bad.) I actually had a really good day yesterday I just wore myself out too much to blog last night.

Jimmy didn't want to stay in the house yesterday so we went out gallivanting. That alone wore me out  so I ended up coming home to take a nap, when I woke up my arms and hands were all cramped upped so I had to take an extra dose of tums ultra. I'm getting so sick of eating those damn things. I wish they didn't have to be so damn hard to chew.

Today I woke up feeling pretty fantastic, I cleaned a little but I'm still so weak in my arms. I can't even open a damn jar of pickles what the heck!  Then I started feeling like shit, light headed and dizzy, burning up hot, then freezing cold, plus this tingling in my whole face that I have off and on, and it's not the tingling in your lips when your calcium is low, it's more around my eyes and cheeks, and to top it off. I'm on the pill ok. I take it every day at the same time and I have for some reason started my period so I am a major bitch!  I think the thyroidectomy itself puts you through emotional changes, I'm going to freaking kill someone soon. Lol this is not a smooth transition. We had a lot of visitors today so maybe it was just the stress of the day, I don't know. One day at a time I guess. Tomorrow, our plan is to go to church. So I'm going to try to do my hair, we will see how that goes with limited movement in my neck with this giant incision (5 inch) and some muscle removed. I don't want to do anything fancy just straighten it. Maybe I could talk my husband into doing it? It's crazy how you take everyday things like that for granted. I learning to not take things for granted anymore. Well I'm going to do some neck stretches and then go to sleep, up bright and early to take my synthroid in the morning! Night all

Are you drunk?

It's the end of post op day two, and I am struggling trying to type this blog. My muscles keep cramping up on me. My face is numb and tingly and my eyes are constantly twitching. I have been taking massive amounts of calcium in the form of tums ultra which are 1000mg a piece I think I've taken 8000mg today. I still have some of my parathyroids, hopefully they are just in shock and will start working soon.

I ventured out today, out to Walmart in my sweats so I should have fit right in lol. Still I felt like everyone was looking at me. Probably thinking I got my neck slashed or something but, hey I'm a warrior, I'm a cancer survivor! I will wear it proud and will never be shy to talk about it or the story behind it.

Well I'm getting pretty tired and my hand is cramping so I'm getting off of here!

I didn't die!!!

Good morning!! It's post op day número uno, and I am alive! Surgery day is behind me and the rest of my life is in front of me and for that I am thankful! I feel as if a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. Ahh I can breathe. I was surprising calm the whole time waiting to go into surgery. I think the worst part was getting my IV put in which was done by the anesthesiologist so one time bam! it was in, but now I want it out.

I bet I waited about an hour in the pre op holding area as we will call it on my stretcher by myself while my family waited in their separate holding area, anxiously watching a board with a number that  corresponded to my name to let them know where I was at. Finally after what seemed like forever, someone from my surgery team finally came to wheel me back. He slipped something in my IV to make me feel "relaxed" although I'm beginning to wonder if it was just a placebo because I didn't feel relaxed. A short trip later we arrived into the creepy operating room. Aren't all operating rooms creepy? Ice cold and usually mint green for some reason. They transferred me over to the operating table put a mask over my face and told me to breathe deeply, then told me to breathe deeper because I wasn't breathing deep enough lol and that's the last thing I remember.

The next thing I remember was ripping off the oxygen mask and saying I didn't die! Because remind you I really thought I might die during this operation. I'm so giddy I'm alive. Then the next thing I remember is being so stinking hot, the nurse must have noticed I was roasting because she asked if I wanted my socks off and started pulling all but one of the 87 blankets off of me.
Now I've never gone under general anesthesia before and it can make some people nauseated, well I guess I'm one of them, so bring on the zofran then the pain meds they gave me made me even more sick to my stomach so I needed more anti nausea medication. I ended up staying like 3 hours in recovery. This whole time my family is still waiting to see me, finally at 2:30 I get to go to my room in a much more comfortable bed and get to see everyone. Relief for them, I just want to go back to sleep.

I've had two roommates so far. Damn you semi-private rooms! My current roommate had her thyroid removed and had a tiny little I would say maybe not even 2 inch incision. I have a good 5 inch incision across my neck. It serious looks like I've had my neck slashed open. All in all though I'm very lucky, my left lobe was a little bigger than they thought. 8cm they said. They had to cut out some muscle along with it because I guess it started to attach to the muscle and they removed at least one suspicious lymph node that I know of. My husband was scared to death. I'm damn lucky they caught when they did. Who know what would of happened if it would have never been detected. Crazy shit I tell you.

Last night I started to get numb and tingly in my face and feet which means my calcium is low, so the cure for that is tums ultra. See they were able to leave some if not all of my parathyroid but they could be bruised or damaged right now and they need to heal, hopefully they will heal. Your parathyroid controll your calcium and vitamin D, but the tums helped last night.

I didn't get any sleep. Between my roommate and I getting labs and our vitals or meds there was no sleep to be had here. Jimmy was not allowed to stay with me so he is out there somewhere in the city of Pittsburgh right now. Plan for today is to be discharged on synthroid and tums! I can't drive until I get full range of motion back in my neck. I see my surgeon in a week so we can discuss seeing an endo and how my surgery went and if and when I will need radiation. I'm going get off of here to try to order to grub since I can actually eat. Rember cancer is not a death sentence!

It's D-day!

It's D-day, the day is finally upon us. I am in the surgical pre op area waiting to be called back. I checked in, we are in the family lounge area which is packed with all the other patient and families. I'm hungry lol. So now we are just waiting.... I'm so nervous... I hate IVs I'm scared to be put under. I just hope it all goes well. Hopefully this will not be my last post! I will post post op! Love yas!!!

'twas the night before...

'twas the night before D-day and all was quiet. My children were gone, already dropped off at my husband's cousin's house. It took everything in me to keep it together when I dropped them off. I balled my eyes out as I packed their little bags thinking we might never see each again. I'm starting to tear up as we speak now. My children 2 and almost 4 as of next month, know mommy is going to the hospital tomorrow to get her boo-boo removed by surgery, but still  quite oblivious to the scale of the situation. They just know they are having a sleep over with their cousins. My youngest is a bit clingy so I did end up having to sneak out which broke my heart in a million pieces.

Surgery was originally scheduled for 10:40 am but was changed to 9:10am. I have to be there 2 hours prior which means I must check in at 7:10am. We are leaving around 5:30, no one wants to fight Pittsburgh rush hour traffic. 

I have never had a surgery before where I have been put to sleep so I am fucking scared out of my mind! I'm scared of dying on the operating table basically. I hate getting IVs so I'm not looking forward to that either, and since I'm having surgery I have to shave my legs lol. I don't want to be wondering around in a hospital gown with some hairy man-beast legs lol  on the bright side of things at least I should be able to eat some lunch since my surgery was moved up an hour and a half! Optimism... Optimism...

I doubt I will get any sleep tonight with my anxiety level being at 100. So how did I find out I had thyroid cancer? Good question, funny story.

I was at work one day, it was thanksgiving day actually. I work at a hospital and one of our doctors was in to see her patients and she was sitting at the nurses station putting in orders. It must have just been how I turned my head that she noticed my neck was swollen. She said to me "you need an ultrasound of your thyroid you have a goiter." Now this totally struck me off guard and I wasn't sure how to react to that, he'll she's the doctor not me. My only reply was "well I had my values checked over the summer and everything was normal." "I don't care." She said "you need to have an ultrasound, I'm sorry I'm a doctor." And she left the floor. "We'll that was rude." One of the nurses said. I didn't think it was rude. To me, it was ominous, because that conversation replayed itself over and over in my head every day. I googled goiter and looked up all the possibilities and everything from graves to hashis, to cancer to hypo and hyperthyroidism came up. Finally like a month later I went to my pop for a uti and mentioned to her what this doctor said. And she had said "yea your neck does look a little swollen" I said " hey fat people have fat necks how was I ever supposed to see this. I gained like 50lbs with my first pregnancy and still needed to loose 25 of it so nothing looked abnormal to me. Anyways my pop ordered the ultrasound and sur enough there it was a big ol goiter on my left side, about twice the size of my right lobe which is perfectly normal. I have no symptoms, it doesn't affect my breathing, swallowing, or changed my voiced, it doesn't give me a cough that doesn't want to go away. I said it cohabitated with me so well I would have never known! So anyways my pop referred me to an ENT who wanted to "investigate" my goiter further which was my biggest fear at the time. Silly me. I though oh just put me on some synthroid and call it a day. Ha! He ordered a bunch of bloodwork and then.... an FNA or a fine needle aspiration... which is a biopsy of your thyroid with a thin needle where they just use local anesthesia and ultrasound to help guid the needle in your thyroid to aspirated enough cells so they can tell if you have cancer or not and they have to put the needle in multiple times. In my case they have to poke me 4 times to get enough cells for a sample. Then a few days later the results came back as papillary thyroid carcinoma and that's how we got where we are today. Crazy huh?

I wanted to upload a pre surgery pic of my and my neck but my phone won't let me for some reason, maybe I will figure it out and do and pre and post surgery comparison.

The countdown to D-day begins!

I'm tired so this will be a short post as long as I don't ramble.

So it's Sunday, two days before the big day, D-day as I shall refer to it. It was a pretty uneventful day. I went to church, helped my pregnant sister move (well watch my husband help my pregnant sister move), then went down to my dad's to eat dinner and spend some time with him before he leaves town for the next week. I'm trying to hit up as many family members and friends this weekend as possible, ya know just in case.

Anyways while I was a church someone slipped me a note when they were passing around the little donation plates. For moment I felt like I was in school again lol, this note was from a fellow church member who a few years ago had battled thyroid cancer herself, the same kind I have. She went through two surgeries and chose against everyone's advice and opted to not do radiation. I know many people who have come forward to tell me about some disease they have with their thyroid mostly graves, some hypo, but this is the first I have met, besides the woman who trained me that had cancer. Which leads me to my next thought. Why are so many of us diagnosed with some type of thyroid disease? Is it higher in this area? Does it have to do with the fly ash from little blue? Or does it have anything to do with the power plants? Someone needs to call Erin Brockavich! It makes me worry for the health of my children.

Well I'm exhausted and I really need to clean my house because I refuse to come home to a dirty house after surgery. I will post tomorrow as I will be very anxious waiting for surgery. Goodnight!

The longest day and post of my life ( so far)

Well it's Saturday night and I figured I should talk about how my first encounter with the infamous UPMC went. We got up there at 8:30. God only knows why my husband and father in law decided that I needed to be up there that early. Remember from my previous post my appointment was for 10:30 but the surgeon wanted me to be there an hour early so I could have a repeat ultrasound performed before I saw her. Now as we all know, appointments are never on time. Funny thing is the doctor can be an hour late and that is just fine, but if you are more than 15 minutes late you must reschedule and expect to receive a bill for the visit anyways.

So we get there at 8:30 and wait.... And wait. And I think around 9:50 they finally call me back for my ultrasound which took about 15 minutes. They told me they were specifically looking for my lymph nodes because the u/s I had done at city either did not include my lymph nodes or forgot to mention them, so we must look for the lymph nodes. When the doctor was done he mentioned what a difficult exam it was due to the size of my thyroid which was a little discouraging. Then we were sent back out to the waiting to wait some more.

Finally at about 11:40 doctor Carty's nurse finally called me back! Praise Jesus! It was finally MY turn. Lets get this show on the road, I am so ready. They brought me back to a tiny exam room where there was no seating for anyone. In this room was myself, my husband, my FIL, and the RN. She does all the basics, weight, height, BP, temp blah blah blah. Then she asks how I found out about my cancer. Which is always an interesting story. Have we discussed that? If not I will get to that later, anyways after the nurse leaves in comes dr Carty's NP and like I said there's no room/ no seating in this exam room so she is sitting on the sharps container across from me. Examines my neck and starts to tell me stuff I already know you need to have your thyroid removed. Yes I know. And she said usually its a 2 to 3in incision across your neck but in my case it might or probably will be a little bigger. Bummer. Then she said I will need radiation after which usually starts 4 to 6 weeks after surgery. Then she asked when I would like to have surgery. I said as soon as possible, I mean who would want to put something like this off. I just want to get this past me and start with my new life because right now I am scared shitless! Basically this NP did all of Dr Carty's dirty work. Then dr Carty finally came in. The first thing she said was "what can I do for you today" and I replied "well I have thyroid cancer and I would like it removed" straight to the point that's how I operate lol to make a long story short she examined me I gave her my history blah blah blah. Now when we got to the part about my MTHFR mutation that almost put a complete stop to my surgery altogether. I was like damnit! Why must I have so much shit wrong with me. The MTHFR as far as I knew only affected me during pregnancy and I only had to be put on aspirin and folic acid. Thank goodness I'm not one of those that has to give themselves heparin injections. So dr Carty was like I need to see this from your OB or you need to see a hematologist and this is going to push the surgery back another week, and I'm just like ok. In the mean time let's do some pre op testing. Yes! Poked and prodded. Now mind you I'm in the 3rd floor of the Faulk building. They are now sending me over to the 5th floor of the Montiefure sp? Building for bloodwork, and to see an anesthesiologist for clearance. Then while I'm doing that I get a phone call they want me to have a cat scan of my neck, well I have to go to the 1st floor of the Presbyterian building. Now mind you these buildings are all about a block or so away from each other.... a Pittsburgh block! Lol

By the time we leave the hospital it's like 4pm. Still no records from my ob, damn them! I'm whooped, I'm hungry, I need a glass of wine. Pit stop at the Olive Garden if I don't mind. Until the next day.
The next morning UPMC calls me to tell me my ct was go and dr Carty will see me in the OR as long as we get the labs from my OB. Well it's time we me to light a fire under their asses now isn't it? And that's exactly what I said to the woman on the phone at UPMC. Lol so I called out to my ob and said I need my medical records faxed to this dr, I need surgery. Oh your records are at our other office. I called their other office and tell them the same thing . Here they were trying to send labs dr Carty already had that just pertained to my thyroid. I said no they want to know about m MTHFR mutation, oh well Nikki doesn't have anything like that in your chart. The hell if she doesn't , she is the one who ordered this test back in 2008. Oh they want the records from back that far she said. Well yes I said.  She was like well I will see what I can find. Frustrated I knew she wasn't going to be any help. I got off the phone with her and called my high risk ob's office and asked if they still had my records. I told them I had cancer and I need surgery but the surgeon would not operate on me until they got these certain records. Now I knew they could not fax it the surgeon but they could fax it to my ob who could fax it to my surgeon. Well about an hour later I got a call from dr Carty's off she got the paperwork. Finally!!! Surgery is a go for this Tuesday. So my plan must have worked, but dr Carty still wants me to see a hematologist inApril. Even though my mutation is not going to affect my thyroid surgery, better to be safe than sorry I guess. Maybe I will learn something. Who knows. Now we just wait for surgery. More waiting.....

My first encounter with UPMC

Here we go.... I am on my way to UPMC... YaY!!!! Not! Stopping by to grab some grub right now. I slept like crap last night, the baby was up and down all night and I had to listen to the constant drip of water running in my kitchen faucet to ensure our pipes would not freeze again last night. So here I am all groggy and certainly not bright eyed and bushy tailed riding in the back seat of my own vehicle as I get taxied to my first appointment with the surgeon. If I haven't told you before I'm telling you now, I'm meeting with the chief surgeon of endocrinology, Dr. Sally Carty. I've read she has horrible bed side but is very good at what she does and in the end that's all that matters. I must admit, I haven't been really nervous up to this point but I'm sure once I walk in to the hospital I will start to have a mini panic attack. We are already starting to hit rush hour traffic, just great! Anxiety level just went up a notch haha It's 7:45 and we just past the DVE building. I have to be there at 9:30 to get an ultrasound done (I'm sure to check for any growth) before I see the doctor at 10:30. Hopefully we make it there on time. I hate being a worrier by nature.