I finished my first four days back to work. Another thing I have survived, and needless to say my coworkers are outraged over the lack of empathy from the HR department over the denial of FMLA for not having enough hours in this year. Sorry cancer, come back later, or actually never. The thought of delaying treatment to put in enough working hours is absolutely asinine.
I also ran into the doctor who suggested I get an ultrasound for a goiter way back when in the first place. She asked if I had my surgery yet, not noticing my scar, I told her yes I had it almost 3 weeks ago. She asked how it went and what they found. I told her about how big the original tumor was and how they found cancer in 7 out of the 12 lymph nodes they took out, and the cringing look on her face might as well have been a spear through my chest. Being in the medical field we both know what that means. I just wanted to break down and cry right there. Then it led to the conversation of my treatment, and she said well hang in there. I know those words mean no offense, but I'm getting to an angry bitter stage of my diagnosis. Yea it's easy to say "hang in there" but when death is literally staring you in the face its not that easy. I have been lashing out at everyone today. It just not a good day in general, and I still haven't even got to the radiation part yet :/ I'm just scared, I'm scared that my prognosis is not as good as what I was previously told, I'm scared that because it was found in so many lymph nodes that its lurking somewhere else in my body. Fear of the unknown. I guess it's best that I've been busy as to not give myself time to think about all of this. Which reminds me I have 22 cupcakes to frost for Audrey to take to school tomorrow. At least I can sleep in...