I am emotionally exhausted. I spent another day up at UPMC, although this time we had a much easier time finding the correct building, we even got valet parking. I might even attempt this trek going by myself one of these days!
This was my first encounter with my endocrinologist Dr Hodak. I like him, actually I don't think I haven't met anyone from UPMC that I don't like yet. I can't say enough wonderful things about them, even if they are expensive as hell. I guess it's true though its what your money can buy, but it's not my money it's my insurance thank God. I'm finding out this cancer thing is getting to be very expensive.
Back to Dr Hodak, he was very straight forward and told me that despite the very large size of my tumor that my cancer is currently only a stage I. Now that being said he also stated that my cancer even though its not a variant form of papillary cancer it does seem to be very aggressive and it was breaking out of the lymph nodes into the surrounding tissues and that he would not be surprised if it was found it my bones or lungs. I really don't want to be one of those rare cases of distant spread, but that is my luck. He also said that I had a higher chance of my cancer coming back, about a 15-20% ya know what fuck you cancer. I'm so angry at you. I did not cry when he told me all of this, I only started crying when he asked me if I had any children and how old they are. The thought of my children being robbed of their mom just hurts into the depths of my being. Every time I receive bad news and I just want to lay down and give up then I quickly remember what I am fighting for.
The game plan is for me to receive my RIA treatment on April 24th. I have to travel to Pittsburgh and back (an hour each way) for my thyrogen injections which I will receive on the 22nd, and the 23rd. Go up again on the 24th (with the price of gas im going to be so broke :( )for my tracer dose and my whole body scan, wait for the results up there then get my therapeutic dose. Then I go into isolation for one week. I was told to stock up on lemons, water, Gatorade, and anything I was craving that I cannot have while I'm on the low iodine diet, which I'm finding out is a lot. I can have lean meat ( no seafood), veggies( no beans, or potato skins, and fruits, and that's about it. All dairy is out. Oh I can have some grains as long as they don't contain anything iodized. Bleh then I go back up on they day I get out of isolation on April the 30th to have another whole body scan. My theme song will defiantly be radioactive that week.
The only silver lining I can find is that I will most defiantly have enough hours in for this friggin FMLA. Until then I get to work my Easter away at the hospital, which I still have not got my kids anything yet. I just got my first paycheck yesterday and I've seriously worked every damn day. My only day off was yesterday which the whole day was spent in Pittsburgh, so guess what I will be doing at midnight tonight.
I'd like to share with you this awesome booklet they gave me when I went up there yesterday. It still doesn't make me feel any less alone but my nurse was so awesome, I think she will be my best support system yet and seeing as I don't really have anyone I need that. I mean jimmy is here, but he doesn't understand he only gets it from the point of a family member and not a patient standpoint. I have good days and bad days, and I'm allowed to have bad days, this just makes my head spin sometimes and he just doesn't get that. He also doesn't get how some days I feel so tired or I don't want to do anything, and I hate that I have to constantly defend myself so Susan my nurse was a godsend at this time!