For anyone who ever said thyroid cancer was the good kind....

 For anyone who ever said that thyroid cancer is the good kind should read my story.

Another day up in Pittsburgh in the books. I went up and had another ultrasound of my neck and met with my doctor. He said that yes it is most defiantly cancer or "disease" as he called it in the left side of my neck. Thankfully it has stayed the same in size since the imaging I had done in September. 

Now what to do about these lesions? He said that I could have external beam radiation done but I would have to worry about damage done to my trechea and esophagus although he said it would be tempory. There is also the prospect of surgery which would be quite complex and extensive to go in, some places deep to get the cancer out. Finally there is what is called alcohol ablasion, where they would take a very small needle (like the size they used for my FNA) and inject pure alcohol into the spots to destroy the cells. The last one I thought was pretty neat, but we finally decided just to wait for now. There is no advantage doing the radiation now or later and my studies have stayed the same since the last time so my "cancer" does not appear to be growing. If at anytime it starts to get larger which may not be for years then we will discuss which one of the three paths we will take.

In the meantime... I asked if it would be a possibility or even safe for me to get pregnant and he said one hundred percent yes it would be fine. Granted there is a slight chance that my lesions could grow a bit during pregnancy from all of the hormones, but they are going to keep a close watch on my TSH levels and adjust as needed, testing every two weeks if need be. So that is exciting, I want to get myself, my body in the best health possible first. For my baby, for me. So I bought a juicer today, it won't come until Tuesday but I am going to start juicing. I want to get my body nice and alkaline and get rid of refined sugars and unhealthy carbs, I'm going to try to fight naturally, why not?

So I don't go back for anymore bloodwork/ultrasound/doctor appointment for 6 months, which sadly I found out will be with another doctor. My doctor Dr. Hodak is relocating to NYU in Manhattan, which makes me very sad, but he is transferring my care over to one of his partners who specializes in thyroid cancer and pregnancy so he knows his stuff I am told.

Until then this blog may start be about not only my journey with cancer, but my thyroid cancer journey and getting pregnant. I really hope that one day I can finally type that I am in remission!!!

New year, fresh start...hopefully

Here we are again, the holidays have come and gone, and I finally got to spend them with my family (finally!!!!) . I was wonderful and I really and truly appreciated it. That is one thing that I can say cancer gave me, and now it's a new year. I got an unexpected day off today since it is negative 11 here in Ohio. I can honestly say that I do not ever remember it being this cold in my life. Sitting here trying to stay warm with my kids and maybe find some motivation to clean a bit I am thinking about how much I want to change this year, how I am lucky to be given another year. 

I go here in two days back up to Pittsburgh for another ultrasound of my neck to see if those "lesions" have changed in size at all and then a visit with my Endo to see what the game plan is. I went on Friday to once again be stabbed in my arm for the millionth time to have my blood drawn and finally got my results today. My TSH is 0.01 really low which would attribute to the almost constant palpitation I have and why my nails won't grown, and why my skin is awful, if only I got awesome symptoms like weight loss, but I'm still fat and tired. Go figure, although my TSH is low I'm sure that is where my doctor wants it to be, Also I got my thyroglobulin values!!! Now I do not know what it was in September, although the doctor said that they did not got down since treatment. At treatment they were 5.5 and today they are 2.3, which is where they were immediately following my surgery. I really hope this is good news! It is in normal range but I don't know if that is what they would consider normal for me. I don't know if they want my values to be zero since I had my TT. 

If all goes well then I should not need to come back until my yearly body scan in April, and my husband keeps bugging me to have another baby. I don't know how that is going to figure into the equation. Can I get pregnant right after my scan? Will they let me get pregnant ever? I know my TSH will once again need adjusting. This is something my husband really wants but I just don't know if it will be safe for me. I want to be the healthiest me I can be. Getting back into healthy eating and exercise, detoxify my body, and the bodies of my children. I feel like I'm heading into a really good place in my life, save more, spend less, pay off my debt, loose weight, finally beat cancer. Ya know that stuff everyone resolves to do each new year, but this, this is MY year. Baby or no baby I will be just fine, just have to get through this week. I always get horrible anxiety a couple of weeks before any testing, or appointment. No one will ever understand what it feels like to think one minute that you are perfectly healthy and then that can all change with one test or labs and suddenly you are very very sick, you don't feel sick, you have never felt sick, you just can't wrap your head around all of this. Regardless you need to have the mentality that you are not sick, not that you are denial but that you are now in warrior mode and you will not be defeated. Cancer is as much mental as it is a physical disease. Regardless of my outcome I have made a resolution to make my diet and my body as clean as possible from here on out. I have a few other cancer friends that have decided to detoxify their bodies also to help fight the big C word. I am by no means struggling physically, I just don't want to give cancer the upper hand by putting junk and chemicals in my body. My mentally quality on the other hand still has not fully recovered. 

Its amazing how how even almost one year later things still trigger such an emotional disturbance. Such as earlier I was digging in my medicine cabinet for something and one bottle fell out and rolled under the table, when I picked it up it was my synthroid and it was like reality smacked me in the face. How important this particular medication is to me, how this helps keep the cancer at bay, this is what keeps my body going, and about how I will be on this for the... rest....of...my...life..... The rest of my life because at 27 I was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. Now it's time for me to do something, I may not change the world but I am making an impact and I am bringing awareness to my situation. 

So here in a few days I will have some good news, but good or not I will still roll with it.

Finally!!!!! I finally got the results of my cat scan, and they came back negative. Thank you God!!! Every time I think about the email my doctor sent me and the words that were in it I get very emotional. It is such a relief that I do not have any cancer in my chest. Now we just have to watch my neck closely, I am so ready for this whole ordeal to be over with. I'm over being sick. I'm ready to move on with my life after almost a year of dealing with this, it feels like its not stop blood work, tests or going to the doctors.
Now it's time to tell you the story of my wonderful trip up to the hospital.I asked them to schedule me for later in the day. It was the day of my daughter's first field trip ever and they were going to a pumpkin patch. I had the opportunity to take the whole family so I didn't want to miss this. Every time we have family moments I always try to take them, and every single time I always stop to think how lucky I am to be able to do this, how I am still here and get to see my children grow and learn. Don't get me wrong I appreciated it before but now I am so lucky and thankful to God, to my doctors to be able to share this with them.
We all had a blast going and my girls got to do things they have never done before and I was there to share it with them, then before we knew it, it was time to take my kids back home so I could get ready for the drive to the city.
I drove the way up there because my husband was tired having worked the night before and only getting a few hours of sleep. This was my first time driving, I knew traffic would be bad but I never thought I was have to deal with rush out in the middle of the day. Needless to say it was the worst drive of my life, traffic was so congested, at one point in time there was an almost accident right in front of my on the highway. We left at 2:30 and got there just at 4. (my appointment was for 3:45.) My husband slept most of the way while I was trying not to pass out from all of the anxiety I was experiencing from these scary Pittsburgh drivers. When we finally got there I was shaking, but we made it, and if needed to I guess I could do it on my own.
I got signed in and ran over to radiology for my cat scan. I was bummed to find out I wouldn't know my results for a few days, as I didn't want to come back up for something else.
The worst part of it was listening to the noise the machine makes when it spins around. They are traumatizing sounds that  instantly remind me of diagnosis and treatment, and no matter how wonder the staff/hospital is it just not take away from the trauma it gives you to live with for a very long time.
I was in and out in less than an hour, and I always try to do something positive while
I'm up there to combat the negative since the only reason we go up there is for cancer stuff. I got the idea in my head to go to the cheesecake factory, I've never been there before and I looked up the whole menu. Jimmy at first was a go then he decided that it would be better if we just went home, he was very tired and said that if he went to a sit down restaurant he would fall asleep. I was a little upset, I was really looking forward to it, I thought we don't get to spend a lot of alone time together and it might be limited knowing my situation. He asked if I was mad and I said slightly, which then made him wavier in whether or not we would go, he got lost downtown and was just trying to get home, also rear-ended a car, then nearly hit two pedestrians crossing the road, this then made him mad and he took it out me since it was my fault we got lost trying to find the cheesecake factory. I began to cry and he yelled at me for crying over the cheesecake factory. I was not crying over the cheesecake factory, I  was crying over the whole situation. The fact that I was up there for another test, the fact that they think I might have cancer somewhere else, the fact that my life might be shortened, and the fact that I was hungry.
I understand that it is stressful for family members to go through this also as they are scared for their loved one and truly no one know whats going to go on. I understand that from time to time my husband would think about what would happen if he was left to raise the kids, the girls by himself. That is all very scary, but when it comes down to it, they don't have much idea what is going on in your head, the person who is going through this, the person who thinks what if they can't cure me, what will happen to my children. I have said this time and time before cancer, at least for me is more of an emotional roller coaster more than anything and I am ready to get off this ride now!!!!
So as for my cat scan being negative, my doctor was very hopeful in saying that I will probably be fine, we just have to keep an eye on these lesions in my neck, more repeat blood work in a couple of months, followed by another ultrasound and an office visit with the doc. At least I don't to worry about anything until after the holidays and I can breathe for a little while.

So it's the eve before my chest cat scan and I'm getting very emotional. I'm not sure why I was tearing up but it got me thinking how much of an emotional roller coaster this journey is. From the outside I clearly do not look sick, but on the inside my body is fighting this cancer and my mind is racing with everything and all the possible out comes my life might have no matter how long or short it may be. How short it may be... that sentence has as much impact on me as "you have cancer."
Tomorrow I get the day off for my test, but first I get to take my children on their first field trip to the pumpkin patch. I'm so glad to relish these moments with my family and I am so greatful to have an employer give me the time I need after having such an aweful expirence with the hospital, which has left me somewhat dare I say jaded. Hell the whole cancer "thing" has left me jaded. So tonight I sit here and vent and prepare myself mentally, emotionally, physically ready for tomorrow. Even though there are clear highlights to my upcoming day I can't help but overshadow the precious family time with another cancer milestone. Waiting to see if there is anything, anything at all in my chest. This is where I leave it up to faith and God. I pray there is nothing in my chest, I pray that what they found in my neck is not new, I pray for time...... I want to see my children grow up, I want to see my grandchildren.
I have tried so hard this whole time to stay upbeat, but I still feel alone. Which made me think about starting a young adult cancer support group. Trying to help others make it through what I am currently going through and sharing my story. I want to share my story with anyone who will listen. I don't wear my diagnosis on my sleeve, although the obvious scar on my neck is a dead giveaway of some sort of history.
With that being said I once again that you say a prayer for me in hopes my test comes out good and I will update you here shortly!

Caution some explicit content

Finally got my results today and it was definitely not what I wanted to hear. The ultrasound of my neck showed 3 spots or lesions where there is cancer. I'm not sure if these are lymph nodes or not. My doctor called me personally to talk to me, such priority I felt! He said they cannot tell if these spots are dying cancer cells or new cancer cells so there is no point in doing a biopsy since they will not be able to differentiate it. I'm glad I don't have to be subjected to an FNA again.

Second my thyroglobulin has not gone down at all since my pre treatment levels where taken. What the fuck!? Because of that I have to travel back up to Pittsburgh and have a chest cat scan done to make sure there is nothing they are missing like on my lungs. He did not seem to be worried about the uptake in my thymus at all. I also now have to increase my synthroid to a double dose once a week every week. In other words 6 days a week I take one pill which is 150mcg then one day a week I have to take 2 pills making my total 300mcg, and I was hoping to decrease my dose to lose some of these side effects.

Now time to vent, I have already had a cry. What the fuck!!! Who the fuck gets thyroid cancer again? I guess me, and what the hell was the RAI for because as of right now it didn't do a god damn thing! I should have just opted not to take it and not have to worry about the long term effects. 

So the plan is chest ct then in 3 months bloodwork, repeat u/s and meet with the doctor for a game plan.

Wish me luck and say a prayer for me.

I have not posted in a couple of months. I think in a way I have just tried to push everything to the back of my mind and move on with my life, but if that were true I would not be typing as we speak, or read. It is now September, 7 months since diagnosis and surgery and 5 months since treatment. September is also National thyroid cancer awareness month. On top of all that September is also the month where I travel back up to UPMC for testing. 

This time it's only a post surgical/ post treatment ultrasound of my neck. Along with my regular bloodwork I also get my thyroglobulin checked for the first time since days before my RAI. This of course puts my anxiety in overdrive waiting to see how well my treatment worked. Considering I have stage II of an unusually aggressive form of papillary thyroid carcinoma. My doctor told me if we make it through the first year without a reoccurrence I'm in good shape. So now it's just the waiting game. 

I went to get my bloodwork yesterday driving 30 miles round trip just to make it to a specific lab rather than just running downtown to the hospital. This all for really accurate thyroglobulin counts. Ugh....

Five days until I get my ultrasound, and I have I mentioned how much I hate going to Pittsburgh. Even for one thing it turns into an all day event, from the horrible traffic getting into and out of the tunnels to the wait for results, to the rush hour traffic. I despise of it. 

In the meantime I'm just trying to live my life and raise my daughters. Not that the thought of a reoccurrence isn't there, because its always in the back of my mind. 

With cancer almost always on the brain, I've been trying to use my journey to help others. Working in the doctors office does help with that. I get to share my experience with cancer patients and thyroid patients alike. I also have been trying to raise awareness to thyroid cancer. Everyone makes a huge deal about October and breast cancer awareness, I want thyroid cancer to be equally as important, at least in my neck of the woods. I want to be an advocate. 

I have also been doing a lot of research on GMOs in our food supply and have decided to go organic as much as my budget will let me.

I have also been researching a holistic way to healing myself, in the alkaline diet. It's not as much a diet as it is clean eating. If you make your body alkaline diseases cannot survive, including cancer. It's about fresh fruits and vegetables and cutting out GMOs, meat and dairy, lots of lemon water. Once your alkaline your body can fight anything. It's worth a shot, my life is worth a shot. This also raises the question as to how much of our cancers are environmental as opposed to something genetic in nature. No one really knows why in my 20's I developed thyroid cancer. I can speculate. I think this whole experience has not only jaded me slightly but also enlightened me to my surroundings, my choices and our medical professional world. 

In the meantime hopefully good news this week then I can once again breathe.

Another 4 weeks has passed, another blood draw. No surprise my TSH is still low. 0.021 this time, but my endo must not have been too concerned/surprised because I never heard from him after he got the results. Once again in less than two weeks, it's time for another blood draw. 

So the 4th of July just passed and it was my first holiday off! Happy dance. I went to a family picnic and there just so happened to be some random guy there who I guess was friends with one of my uncles. I had no idea who he was, but to make a long story short he came up to me and said "dang girl did your boyfriend get mad at you or something?" Referring to the scar on my neck. I was flabbergasted. This was one of the most uneducated statements I have ever heard. I looked at him and said "no actually I had surgery because I had cancer in Feburary and they had to remove my thyroid." He then apologized and asked if I was okay. 

This was probably the first time anyone other than my children have asked about my scar and it was certainly the rudest and it has certainly stuck with me.....