Finally!!!!! I finally got the results of my cat scan, and they came back negative. Thank you God!!! Every time I think about the email my doctor sent me and the words that were in it I get very emotional. It is such a relief that I do not have any cancer in my chest. Now we just have to watch my neck closely, I am so ready for this whole ordeal to be over with. I'm over being sick. I'm ready to move on with my life after almost a year of dealing with this, it feels like its not stop blood work, tests or going to the doctors.
Now it's time to tell you the story of my wonderful trip up to the hospital.I asked them to schedule me for later in the day. It was the day of my daughter's first field trip ever and they were going to a pumpkin patch. I had the opportunity to take the whole family so I didn't want to miss this. Every time we have family moments I always try to take them, and every single time I always stop to think how lucky I am to be able to do this, how I am still here and get to see my children grow and learn. Don't get me wrong I appreciated it before but now I am so lucky and thankful to God, to my doctors to be able to share this with them.
We all had a blast going and my girls got to do things they have never done before and I was there to share it with them, then before we knew it, it was time to take my kids back home so I could get ready for the drive to the city.
I drove the way up there because my husband was tired having worked the night before and only getting a few hours of sleep. This was my first time driving, I knew traffic would be bad but I never thought I was have to deal with rush out in the middle of the day. Needless to say it was the worst drive of my life, traffic was so congested, at one point in time there was an almost accident right in front of my on the highway. We left at 2:30 and got there just at 4. (my appointment was for 3:45.) My husband slept most of the way while I was trying not to pass out from all of the anxiety I was experiencing from these scary Pittsburgh drivers. When we finally got there I was shaking, but we made it, and if needed to I guess I could do it on my own.
I got signed in and ran over to radiology for my cat scan. I was bummed to find out I wouldn't know my results for a few days, as I didn't want to come back up for something else.
The worst part of it was listening to the noise the machine makes when it spins around. They are traumatizing sounds that  instantly remind me of diagnosis and treatment, and no matter how wonder the staff/hospital is it just not take away from the trauma it gives you to live with for a very long time.
I was in and out in less than an hour, and I always try to do something positive while
I'm up there to combat the negative since the only reason we go up there is for cancer stuff. I got the idea in my head to go to the cheesecake factory, I've never been there before and I looked up the whole menu. Jimmy at first was a go then he decided that it would be better if we just went home, he was very tired and said that if he went to a sit down restaurant he would fall asleep. I was a little upset, I was really looking forward to it, I thought we don't get to spend a lot of alone time together and it might be limited knowing my situation. He asked if I was mad and I said slightly, which then made him wavier in whether or not we would go, he got lost downtown and was just trying to get home, also rear-ended a car, then nearly hit two pedestrians crossing the road, this then made him mad and he took it out me since it was my fault we got lost trying to find the cheesecake factory. I began to cry and he yelled at me for crying over the cheesecake factory. I was not crying over the cheesecake factory, I  was crying over the whole situation. The fact that I was up there for another test, the fact that they think I might have cancer somewhere else, the fact that my life might be shortened, and the fact that I was hungry.
I understand that it is stressful for family members to go through this also as they are scared for their loved one and truly no one know whats going to go on. I understand that from time to time my husband would think about what would happen if he was left to raise the kids, the girls by himself. That is all very scary, but when it comes down to it, they don't have much idea what is going on in your head, the person who is going through this, the person who thinks what if they can't cure me, what will happen to my children. I have said this time and time before cancer, at least for me is more of an emotional roller coaster more than anything and I am ready to get off this ride now!!!!
So as for my cat scan being negative, my doctor was very hopeful in saying that I will probably be fine, we just have to keep an eye on these lesions in my neck, more repeat blood work in a couple of months, followed by another ultrasound and an office visit with the doc. At least I don't to worry about anything until after the holidays and I can breathe for a little while.

So it's the eve before my chest cat scan and I'm getting very emotional. I'm not sure why I was tearing up but it got me thinking how much of an emotional roller coaster this journey is. From the outside I clearly do not look sick, but on the inside my body is fighting this cancer and my mind is racing with everything and all the possible out comes my life might have no matter how long or short it may be. How short it may be... that sentence has as much impact on me as "you have cancer."
Tomorrow I get the day off for my test, but first I get to take my children on their first field trip to the pumpkin patch. I'm so glad to relish these moments with my family and I am so greatful to have an employer give me the time I need after having such an aweful expirence with the hospital, which has left me somewhat dare I say jaded. Hell the whole cancer "thing" has left me jaded. So tonight I sit here and vent and prepare myself mentally, emotionally, physically ready for tomorrow. Even though there are clear highlights to my upcoming day I can't help but overshadow the precious family time with another cancer milestone. Waiting to see if there is anything, anything at all in my chest. This is where I leave it up to faith and God. I pray there is nothing in my chest, I pray that what they found in my neck is not new, I pray for time...... I want to see my children grow up, I want to see my grandchildren.
I have tried so hard this whole time to stay upbeat, but I still feel alone. Which made me think about starting a young adult cancer support group. Trying to help others make it through what I am currently going through and sharing my story. I want to share my story with anyone who will listen. I don't wear my diagnosis on my sleeve, although the obvious scar on my neck is a dead giveaway of some sort of history.
With that being said I once again that you say a prayer for me in hopes my test comes out good and I will update you here shortly!

Caution some explicit content

Finally got my results today and it was definitely not what I wanted to hear. The ultrasound of my neck showed 3 spots or lesions where there is cancer. I'm not sure if these are lymph nodes or not. My doctor called me personally to talk to me, such priority I felt! He said they cannot tell if these spots are dying cancer cells or new cancer cells so there is no point in doing a biopsy since they will not be able to differentiate it. I'm glad I don't have to be subjected to an FNA again.

Second my thyroglobulin has not gone down at all since my pre treatment levels where taken. What the fuck!? Because of that I have to travel back up to Pittsburgh and have a chest cat scan done to make sure there is nothing they are missing like on my lungs. He did not seem to be worried about the uptake in my thymus at all. I also now have to increase my synthroid to a double dose once a week every week. In other words 6 days a week I take one pill which is 150mcg then one day a week I have to take 2 pills making my total 300mcg, and I was hoping to decrease my dose to lose some of these side effects.

Now time to vent, I have already had a cry. What the fuck!!! Who the fuck gets thyroid cancer again? I guess me, and what the hell was the RAI for because as of right now it didn't do a god damn thing! I should have just opted not to take it and not have to worry about the long term effects. 

So the plan is chest ct then in 3 months bloodwork, repeat u/s and meet with the doctor for a game plan.

Wish me luck and say a prayer for me.