So it's the eve before my chest cat scan and I'm getting very emotional. I'm not sure why I was tearing up but it got me thinking how much of an emotional roller coaster this journey is. From the outside I clearly do not look sick, but on the inside my body is fighting this cancer and my mind is racing with everything and all the possible out comes my life might have no matter how long or short it may be. How short it may be... that sentence has as much impact on me as "you have cancer."
Tomorrow I get the day off for my test, but first I get to take my children on their first field trip to the pumpkin patch. I'm so glad to relish these moments with my family and I am so greatful to have an employer give me the time I need after having such an aweful expirence with the hospital, which has left me somewhat dare I say jaded. Hell the whole cancer "thing" has left me jaded. So tonight I sit here and vent and prepare myself mentally, emotionally, physically ready for tomorrow. Even though there are clear highlights to my upcoming day I can't help but overshadow the precious family time with another cancer milestone. Waiting to see if there is anything, anything at all in my chest. This is where I leave it up to faith and God. I pray there is nothing in my chest, I pray that what they found in my neck is not new, I pray for time...... I want to see my children grow up, I want to see my grandchildren.
I have tried so hard this whole time to stay upbeat, but I still feel alone. Which made me think about starting a young adult cancer support group. Trying to help others make it through what I am currently going through and sharing my story. I want to share my story with anyone who will listen. I don't wear my diagnosis on my sleeve, although the obvious scar on my neck is a dead giveaway of some sort of history.
With that being said I once again that you say a prayer for me in hopes my test comes out good and I will update you here shortly!

Caution some explicit content

Finally got my results today and it was definitely not what I wanted to hear. The ultrasound of my neck showed 3 spots or lesions where there is cancer. I'm not sure if these are lymph nodes or not. My doctor called me personally to talk to me, such priority I felt! He said they cannot tell if these spots are dying cancer cells or new cancer cells so there is no point in doing a biopsy since they will not be able to differentiate it. I'm glad I don't have to be subjected to an FNA again.

Second my thyroglobulin has not gone down at all since my pre treatment levels where taken. What the fuck!? Because of that I have to travel back up to Pittsburgh and have a chest cat scan done to make sure there is nothing they are missing like on my lungs. He did not seem to be worried about the uptake in my thymus at all. I also now have to increase my synthroid to a double dose once a week every week. In other words 6 days a week I take one pill which is 150mcg then one day a week I have to take 2 pills making my total 300mcg, and I was hoping to decrease my dose to lose some of these side effects.

Now time to vent, I have already had a cry. What the fuck!!! Who the fuck gets thyroid cancer again? I guess me, and what the hell was the RAI for because as of right now it didn't do a god damn thing! I should have just opted not to take it and not have to worry about the long term effects. 

So the plan is chest ct then in 3 months bloodwork, repeat u/s and meet with the doctor for a game plan.

Wish me luck and say a prayer for me.

I have not posted in a couple of months. I think in a way I have just tried to push everything to the back of my mind and move on with my life, but if that were true I would not be typing as we speak, or read. It is now September, 7 months since diagnosis and surgery and 5 months since treatment. September is also National thyroid cancer awareness month. On top of all that September is also the month where I travel back up to UPMC for testing. 

This time it's only a post surgical/ post treatment ultrasound of my neck. Along with my regular bloodwork I also get my thyroglobulin checked for the first time since days before my RAI. This of course puts my anxiety in overdrive waiting to see how well my treatment worked. Considering I have stage II of an unusually aggressive form of papillary thyroid carcinoma. My doctor told me if we make it through the first year without a reoccurrence I'm in good shape. So now it's just the waiting game. 

I went to get my bloodwork yesterday driving 30 miles round trip just to make it to a specific lab rather than just running downtown to the hospital. This all for really accurate thyroglobulin counts. Ugh....

Five days until I get my ultrasound, and I have I mentioned how much I hate going to Pittsburgh. Even for one thing it turns into an all day event, from the horrible traffic getting into and out of the tunnels to the wait for results, to the rush hour traffic. I despise of it. 

In the meantime I'm just trying to live my life and raise my daughters. Not that the thought of a reoccurrence isn't there, because its always in the back of my mind. 

With cancer almost always on the brain, I've been trying to use my journey to help others. Working in the doctors office does help with that. I get to share my experience with cancer patients and thyroid patients alike. I also have been trying to raise awareness to thyroid cancer. Everyone makes a huge deal about October and breast cancer awareness, I want thyroid cancer to be equally as important, at least in my neck of the woods. I want to be an advocate. 

I have also been doing a lot of research on GMOs in our food supply and have decided to go organic as much as my budget will let me.

I have also been researching a holistic way to healing myself, in the alkaline diet. It's not as much a diet as it is clean eating. If you make your body alkaline diseases cannot survive, including cancer. It's about fresh fruits and vegetables and cutting out GMOs, meat and dairy, lots of lemon water. Once your alkaline your body can fight anything. It's worth a shot, my life is worth a shot. This also raises the question as to how much of our cancers are environmental as opposed to something genetic in nature. No one really knows why in my 20's I developed thyroid cancer. I can speculate. I think this whole experience has not only jaded me slightly but also enlightened me to my surroundings, my choices and our medical professional world. 

In the meantime hopefully good news this week then I can once again breathe.

Another 4 weeks has passed, another blood draw. No surprise my TSH is still low. 0.021 this time, but my endo must not have been too concerned/surprised because I never heard from him after he got the results. Once again in less than two weeks, it's time for another blood draw. 

So the 4th of July just passed and it was my first holiday off! Happy dance. I went to a family picnic and there just so happened to be some random guy there who I guess was friends with one of my uncles. I had no idea who he was, but to make a long story short he came up to me and said "dang girl did your boyfriend get mad at you or something?" Referring to the scar on my neck. I was flabbergasted. This was one of the most uneducated statements I have ever heard. I looked at him and said "no actually I had surgery because I had cancer in Feburary and they had to remove my thyroid." He then apologized and asked if I was okay. 

This was probably the first time anyone other than my children have asked about my scar and it was certainly the rudest and it has certainly stuck with me.....  

Long time no blog...

I haven't posted any updates in a while so let's see what's going on....

First I had my three month post op check up with my surgeon and of course it takes much longer to drive up there. Other than the keloid I have on one end of my scar, over all good report. She said I could massage the keloid out if I put some effort into it and discharged me from her services. Which is good news for me since that is one less trip I have to make up there. 

Second I had my TSH and T4 checked again just a couple of days ago and I am still very hyperthyroid with my TSH dropping to .021. I haven't heard from my endo yet, although I doubt he will adjust my synthroid any. Now I wish I got awesome symptoms of hyperthyroidism like weight loss. Instead I'm still fat with palpitations and I get extremely tired, which my endo says this has nothing to do with my TSH, so I don't know of it could possibly be a side effect of my RAI? Who the hell knows anymore. I've come to the conclusion that either way I'm I'm going to try to combat the fatigue holistically with diet and exercise. Wish me luck.

Time for a change.

So a lot has been going on since the last time I have posted. I got denied my FMLA, which I'm totally over that because I've landed a new job in the doctors office that I had interviewed with way back in March, just a week after my TT. They orginally gave the position to someone else and I thought well its because I have cancer, they see me as too big of a risk to have as an employee. Fast forward a few months later I get a phone call that they are expanding their office and relocating it and asked if I would still be interested in a job, and after everything that has been going on with the hospital of course I am still interested! Thank you, and because of Obamacare I cannot be denied insurance coverage for a pre existing condition. After everything has all been said and done my husbands insurance has been billed two hundred thousand dollars. They weren't lying when they said thyroid cancer was one of the most expensive cancers to have. Holy shit. After all the follow ups and tests for the rest of this year I'm sure we will be pushing the quarter million mark.

Speaking of tests I just had my TSH checked last week and it was 0.026 and I am freaking tired all the time. My doctor does not want to adjust my generic synthroid until the 6 month mark in September when I get my thyroglobulin checked and then if all looks good he will back off my meds. I'm currently on 150mcg a day so maybe I can combat the fatigue with some diet and exercise until then, I need to lose some weight anyways.

On Wednesday I head back up to Pittsburgh to see my surgeon for my 3 month follow up and I must say I think my scar is looking pretty good. It's never really bothered me anyways but it's healing nicely. I think just on the ends I might have to put some vitamin e oil or something on it to lighten it up, but other than that the healing process has been fairly easy and I don't know if it has just been out of sheer politeness, but other than my children I have not had one single person ask me about my scar.

One other thing, I want to post a picture of my thyroid cancer awareness paracord bracelet my friend made for me. I think it's pretty awesome and I hope you do too!

Well I haven't posted on here in a while. Mainly because I've been pretty busy diving right back into work. 

Trying to put everything behind me that had happened the past couple of months. Cancer is constantly on my mind. I can't seem to stop thinking about it, even though I am done with everything besides follow ups now, I always think about it. Everything seems to remind me of it. I don't know if I'm suffering some sort of PTSD. 

Finally after nearly 3 weeks I hear from the hospital about my FMLA and..... they have denied me! What the f*ck is that shit! They told me I still didn't have enough hours in. Are you kidding me? I worked all the hours they told me I needed an then some. It just kills me how this place treats their sick employees. I have cancer and you can't give me a fucking FMLA!? Don't expect me to go out on a limb for you, expect me to look for a new job, which is exactly what in doing. Take that job and shove it!

Rant over.